It was confusing and full of hummus
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
