Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
