It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize