I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize