The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I want a musical about memes.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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