If i come over, it means nothing
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
