I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
