He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
