I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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