That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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