He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
