it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
