i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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