Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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