It's Friday. Sex?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
