she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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