Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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