It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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