my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
