I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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