Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
