Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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