Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
