wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize