Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
