i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
