well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
