My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
did you just send me my own nude
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
