I don't usually arrange sex via text message
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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