If that was your dad, he is hot
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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