Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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