i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
