I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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