They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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