Christians are straight up FREAKS
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
