my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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