Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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