my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
