yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
