Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
me + whiskey = a bad person
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
