and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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