After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
