porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
