Got a toothbrush?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
