if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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