I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I will pee on everything he values.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
