high people should be assigned attendants
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize