Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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