David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Michael Bay diarrhea
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
