I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
