dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
