I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
