i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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