Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
