ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
