The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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