Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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