hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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