Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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