Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
