Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
