i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
