i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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