I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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