do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
