as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize