you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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