Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
