I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
