Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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