i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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