So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
And then my night got REAL pukey
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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