I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
