he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
