my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
