12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
