dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
