It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just cropdusted the office
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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