fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
