I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Randomize
