he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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