Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I came so hard my ears popped.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
