i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
