We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I believe in your delicious
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
