I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
they're like a gay fantastic four
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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