Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
