im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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