dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
